Position is key in family therapy.
For example, if one spouse opposes the second spouse on a certain issue,
the therapist has to make spouse 1 see the position of spouse two, and
vice versa.
Many abusive men
understand that women have specific wants and needs, but they intimidate
them, so therefore there’s this gap between their minds and emotions,
and they lash out with violence.
Individual therapy can be conducted
in many different manners. Each approach is effective, despite the fact
that they are all different from one another.
The Psychodynamic
Approach:
Explores the dynamics
between the different components within man’s personality: the Id,
Ego, and Superego.
This approach is
more concerned with man himself, and less so with surroundings, and
his interactions with his surroundings.
It is a process
that deals with understanding the inner psychological conflicts of man,
through man’s impulses.
This approach tries
to explain the defense mechanism, the mechanism where man contradicts
reality, in order to defend himself. For example, if he broke something,
and someone said to him, “why did you break this?” he would answer,
“what! It wasn’t me!” The defense mechanism helps man deal with
certain frustrations.
All in all, this
approach attempts to discern that which is happening within the nefesh
of man.
The Behavioral Approach:
Stimuli **
Reaction
If a positive response
ensues, man will strengthen that reaction, and if a negative response
ensues, man will weaken that reaction. Chizuk Ha’limidah.
For example: a warm
and bright face, or a smile, or certain body language = reinforcements
of a certain reaction.
Extreme example:
Electric shock Autistic children every time they try harming themselves.
In this manner, they learn not to hurt themselves because they want
to avoid the unpleasant electric shock, which acts as a negative response
every time they react a certain way.
Another example:
A fly was found in Joe’s McDonald’s salad. Because he now associates
dead flies and McDonald’s, he can no longer eat there. Man draws
very close associations.
This approach works
to cope with fear, through a gradual exposure and then understanding
of that fear.
The Cognitive Approach:
An outgrowth of
the Behavioral Approach.
This approach is
founded upon the following idea from the Greek-Roman philosopher Epictatus,
who said, “there are no happy events in life, and there are no sad
events in life. Life is full of situations and events, and what makes
pleasures or tribulations is OUR INTERPRETATION of those situations
and events.”
So there is a stimulus,
and that causes a reaction, but in between the stimuli and the reaction
there is man and his memories and attention in the psychological, as
well as physical realms.
A reason for the
fact that different people react differently to the same stimuli is
because each individual is also taking into account all that he has
heard and all that he remembers. In other words, man’s reactions can
only be understood in context of man’s life experience.
The Cognitive Approach
seeks to connect and build and explanation
* CBT = Cognitive Behavioral
Theory. The fusion of the two theories explains that there is a stimulus
and a reaction, and that reaction involves tremendous individualistic
interpretation on the part of man.
The Humanistic Approach:
There are people
who incessantly bemoan life. They see their lives as jails.
Victor Frankel,
Rogers, and Maslow devised an approach for those kinda of people.
They believed that
man is born good hearted, and it is only life circumstances that ruddy
that natural state of good. (This is unlike Freud, who believed that
man is born with a bad heart, and therefore needs to learn to bridle
it.)
They believed: man
needs to find MEANING in his life because without meaning, he has nothing
to live for.
For example: Victor
Frankel survived the Holocaust because he trained himself to believe
that every moment that he continued to survive, he was taking revenge
on the Nazis. With this meaning, he had the drive to continue fighting
for his survival.
Based on Niche,
who said, “One who has WHAT to live for, knows how to accomplish ANYTHING.”
Mi she’yaish lo MA she’limaano yichyeh, yadah limtzoh kol AICH.
Meaning is the fuel
to life. It allows man to find a way to accomplish anything.
One of the main
goals in therapy is to determine WHAT man wants. Once man knows what
he wants he can accomplish exactly that. Obstacles are what man sees
when he loses sight of the goal.
Frankel explains
that there are certain things that man must do, in order to reveal his
goal:
Self-revelation:
What are my strengths
and what are my weaknesses?
A run through my
memory: where did I succeed and where did I fail?
The reality of my
uniqueness:
What makes me uniquely
me?
Choice:
Free choice is a
fundamental stipulation to a quality life.
You chose between
two different options. Nothing is ever black and white. You always need
to create an alternative, and understand that situations and goals are
always changing.
Taking of responsibility:
I need to take responsibility
for the choices that I make.
A person who takes
responsibility does not fear failure, but rather examines WHAT caused
him to fail, what did not work, and vice versa.
Going beyond myself:
Looking beyond myself.
It’s not just about what I can get out of a situation.
Giving is reciprocal,
so one who helps others is also improving the quality of his life.
Once I determine
my strengths, I have to think what I can do for others with those strengths.
11/17/08
Geshtalt Approach
People fit into
certain molds, certain schema.
What’s important
is the now. We relate to the past, in order to understand the present.
Oftentimes people react a certain way in the present because of unresolved
issues in their past. This approach seeks to liberate the person of
their past unfinished business.
This approach involves
a purifying process through various techniques.
For example: Take
a chair, and personify that chair, as the source, or a source that is
causing the patient trouble. For example, the chair is the patient’s
mother. Now the person is going to have to express all their anger and
pain to the chair. The therapist, then, focuses in on what the points
of contention are, and interferes there, in order to revamp the patient’s
perspective to a more positive one.
What is a family?
A family is a community established
based on time and place. The community is dependent upon a certain communal
order, and the need and desire to be organized in groups.
The need to belong is a strong
desire in man.
The community establishes certain
rules. That communal order that is established creates certain clarity
and understanding for the individuals. No one is a jellyfish. Everyone
has rules. It is just about how rigid or flexible those rules are.
Very strict rules can be accompanied
with fear and problems. For example, if a child is educated with very
strict rules, it demonstrates a lack of confidence in the child, and
therefore the need to place a “bridle” on him/her. This can then
cause a lack of confidence within the child.
On the other hand, those community
rules are threatened when the definition of family is different. For
example, when there are polygamy or homosexual relationships.
David Elkind:
Modern Family:
Women are less domestic
Women earn a living,
Fexibility in job
distribution within the family
The family experience
is still very strong. The family comes before the individual. Close
relationships, shared feelings and experiences, cooperation, etc. characterize
the modern family.
Post-Modern Family:
The central value
is realization (הגשמה)
Boundaries are blurred
Autonomy and self-accomplishment
are the post-modern family’s values
Children have to
confront complex family issues that past generations did not have to
confront.
Today parents are
trying to regain parental control over their children because parental
authority has been lost over time – especially in Israel, where there
was such emphasis placed on being בני חורין.
11/24/08
What is the purpose of the
family?
It creates a סדר.
It satisfies the
needs of the individual. Answers the individual’s…
Social needs: A
sense of belonging, identity, a society…
Portman: Man is
born numerous times in his lifetime. He is born and experiences biological
growth, as well as social birth and growth. Man lives in the incubus
of his family until about 18 years old, when he then goes out into the
world, as an independent individual.
Psychological needs:
A sense of security, sensitivity, a shoulder to lean on, self-confidence,
self-worth…These are all highly dependent upon the interactions within
the family unity.
Maslow: There is a hierarchy
of man’s needs. These categories build upon each other. It is a pyramid,
and one can only get to the next category by accomplishing the last.
Physiological
Security/Safety
Love and Belonging
Honor and Value/Esteem
Self-Actualization
Concepts of the Post-Modern
Family:
Quality of life,
a general well-being
Brown and Brown:
Values of well-being within a family:
To have children,
and to raise them with a sense of family and community.
Aspiration for health
Aspiration to accomplish
for oneself and for their friends
Enjoyment from doing
things together
Acceptance by the
other families within the community ** This is especially important within
religious social circles
The family enjoys
familial experiences, being close, and feeling that sense of belonging.
Sharing a sense
of mutual compassion for one another, which in turn allows each family
member to feel that no matter what happens out there, they have their
family behind them.
The importance of
continuing the family legacy.
To make connections
to people of importance and power within the community.
Aspiration for a
stable financial situation, as well as stable emotional and social situations.
Key components for
well-being:
Actualization and
satisfaction
Empowerment
Family values
Legitimacy **
it’s ok for those to be different and for those to be the same **
all-accepting
We need to know what is necessary
for the existence of the family, and what is lacking in each particular
case that we confront. The big Q we always ask is…למה? What is
lacking here?
We need to find the balance
between integration and differentiation, the balance between being a
part of a certain form in a certain family/community, and still being
one’s own person, one’s own individual.
גישה המערכות:
The form of the individual:
Need **
Converter **
Producer
It’s important
that there be a balance between the need and the producer.
There is an input,
like an emotion need…
Erikson: Man develops
in 8 stages:
#1: Faith vs. Doubt **
Does the child receive faith from his surroundings or no?
For example: A baby
cries. Does his mother answer him, so that the child has faith that
the mother is there and ready to help him? If he does not receive that
which he needs, he will grow up with suspicion towards the community
and a lack of faith within his surroundings.
12.1.08
Every מערכת needs a purpose.
If you don’t have the “what,” then you won’t have the “how.”
Every system is complex with
subsystems. We, as social workers, need to examine the different parts
of the whole.
Each subsystem has strong reciprocal
ties to the other subsystems that are dependent upon reciprocity. Each
system has boundaries – physical and psychological. Each family creates
its own boundaries.
עבירות = Breached boundaries,
anything goes, everything is ok – VS – Boundaries that are very
rigid and have no flexibility.
Oftentimes there are breaches
on boundaries within a family, between the inter-generational framework.
The system aspires for balance.
One needs to remember that
any input that enters the family does not exit unchanged, rather it
undergoes a process of change within the family framework, within that
system.
Families are constantly undergoing
change, and therefore are always striving to attain a sense of balance.
Salvador Minuchi: The family
needs to always be open in order to adjust to its surroundings.
The stops in the family’s
lifespan:
Finding a spouse
The birth of the
firstborn
The child goes to
gan
The child becomes
independent
The child leaves
the home **
army, marriage, university
The “empty nest”
One spouse retires
Both are retired
and living off pensions ** are they capable of being together
all the time?
Need to have stability.
There should not always be dramatic changes. Nevertheless, the family
also needs to be able to adjust to new situations.
12/8/08
Couple Coalition:
After establishing their connection, the coalition is no longer just
a couple, but rather becomes married.
Parental Coalition:
Everything changes from the couple coalition because now the couple
is focusing their energy on satisfying the needs of the child.
The challenges of
a parent are far from simple, and one needs great support when going
from one stage within the lifespan to the next.
The principle of
reciprocity is very important within a family.
Divorce can affect
a child in the following ways:
No change.
The child can start
acting up, acting in a disruptive, unconventional way.
The child has a
lack of concentration and participation.
Suddenly is wonderful
and volunteers.
Need to look for
change. A dramatic change can point to the difficulty and hardship that
the child is suffering, and the defense mechanisms he is using.
For example, if
a child’s behavior does not change, it could point to the child’s
denial of the divorce.
Especially in the
case where the divorce is ugly (although it depends on the age), it
can really affect the child’s sexual identity. This can manifest itself
anywhere from being homosexual to being confused about his/her identity
and the gender roles that come along with that. The understanding is
that when things are normative with a child’s parents, the child does
not have difficulty understanding and forming his/her sexual identity.
In a family where
there is one parent, for example, a woman decides to have children without
a husband, merely because she wants to be a mother, and not because
she has an aversion to men, the child can still receive a positive message
about being a man, and can still get a full understanding of what it
means to be a man, from a relative, like a grandfather or uncle.
In a family where
there is one parent due to anger and antagonism the situation is more
complex. When a child is getting the message from his parent/s that
there is a problem with his/her parent/s, the child is caught in between
two positions and identities, and he/she does not know with whom to
identify with.
How do we find balance? How
do we adjust?
Miriam Golan:
One needs to know
how to separate and differentiate between each stage of life. It is
a cognitive process. One needs to think, understand, and accept their
current reality, their new reality, the advantages to it, as well as
the disadvantages. This is the fundamental condition to successfully
adjusting.
To learn to new
roles, which come along with the new status.
To plan for the
future. One needs to have strategic thought. Find a goal and a way of
reaching it. קתע = קבלה תפקידים עתיד. Man cannot expect
everything that he will experience, however. When man suffers sickness,
loss, etc., it can very easily destroy his emotional stability.
Signal Fear = indicates
that which is to come ** What will happen if… **
This fear helps man prepare for life situations ** This preparedness and alertness helps
man to react in a higher manner during stressful times ** For example, this allows us to be
responsible about money, or study for a test.
Interaction within the family
= For example, the father is thanked for giving something to his kids,
and this recognition of gratitude causes the father to continue to give
and to give even more. Another example is one where the father gets
angry with the child, and so the child knows that whatever he did, it
is forbidden.
Positive and negative
strengthening of actions.
Unburdening = The situation
where man unloads his baggage on other people.
Unburdening in therapy
= the situation where the patient transfers significance from an object,
generally with meaning, to the therapist.
Negative unburdening
= the therapist unloads his baggage on the patient.
Unburdening within
the family = A husband unloads all his emotions towards his wife on
his mother
Unburdening negative
complaints = The husband is angry and therefore promises himself not
to become angry ** The wife then becomes angry, in his
place (?)
Integrated pathology
= the father dies in war, and the wife does not cry because she believes
that she must be strong for her child
.
12/15/08
העברה = Transference
The redirection
to a substitute, usually a therapist, of emotions that were originally
felt in childhood
The patient associates
the therapist with something or someone from his past, and seeks to
achieve or satisfy his needs through the therapist; he assigns a certain
job to the therapist.
This transference
is a process
Counter Transference
העברה נגדית = The therapist, too, reacts and feels
Especially in cases
which involved children ** it is so easy for the therapist to
want to get personally involved
הזדהות השלכתית
= A type of Integrated pathology ** A situation where one member of the
family cannot deal with a certain emotion, and therefore, someone else
has to fill his shoes
1) A certain family
member cannot confront a specific emotion
2) Unconsciously,
therefore, he causes another family member to feel and experience that
emotion instead/for him
3) Nevertheless,
the person who could not confront that specific emotion now associates
that emotion with the other person who now feels it in his stead, and
the non-confrontation person believes that the other person is feeling
it due to an exterior catalyst
In therapy, one
must discover why this person cannot confront this specific emotion,
and to then set the balance right within the family, regarding this
specific emotion.
For example, Dani
and Dana are married. Dan refuses to express anger because he grew up
in a home where anger was prevalent, and so he therefore promised himself
that he would never express his own feelings of anger. His apathy, however,
increasingly irks Dana, and so she starts filling his shoes – acting
as the angry mother AND father. Dani, therefore, relates and reacts
to Dana as an angry person. Dani believes that Dana is angry because
of reasons exterior to himself. He does not understand his own involvement
in this evolution.
Repetitive Patterns
= behavioral patterns that are found in a family, even from generation
to generation **
when we see a problem, it is crucial that we explore how the family
continuously confronts the problem
Genogram = a pictorial display
of a person's family relationships and medical history. It goes beyond
a traditional family tree by allowing the user to visualize hereditary
patterns and psychological factors that punctuate relationships. It
can be used to identify repetitive patterns of behavior and to recognize
hereditary tendencies.
A tool that is built
by the therapist AND the patient
Allows the patient
to open up and explore his exterior problems, as well as his familiar
problems, which caused the issues he is confronting now and the reality
he is experiencing.
Use symbols for
gender, alive/dead, emotional/social relationships, etc.
In 1989, Olsen devised
the circum-complexity סירקומפלקסי genogram model:
Used to diagnose
if a family has the three fundamentals, which are…
1) Communication **
how well can family members communicate with each other, compromise,
confront one another?
2) Support **
how much does the family support one another?
3) Adjustment **
how well does the family adjust to the ever-changing environments and
situations it confronts?
ה"תקשורת
+ לכידות + הסתגלות = תקל
Olsen created a
16 ריאציות for every family with a spectrum from great amounts
to small amounts of each category
12/22/08
זוגיות
Couples strive to achieve the
values organized by Maslow from the physical needs (security, a roof
over your head) to the emotional needs (acceptance).
Erich Fromm:
“A man won’t
love his bride until he loves himself”
Firstly, man must
love himself, in order to successfully love others. If he fails to do
so, then he will perceive every success of his friend, as his failure.
Potent = when man
recognizes his potential and actualizes it
Impotent = when
man feels worthless and incapable
Omnipotent = when
man feels that he can accomplish everything ** megalomaniacone
Theorists agree that man can
only enter a relationship when he is on a distinctly high level, once
he has already established himself as an independent person, separating
from his parents and achieving person individuality.
If man enters a relationship
with a low self-image, the relationship will become difficult and complicated.
Schertz:
5 Levels of Couple’s Relationship:
Paradox
The lowest level
The situation where
member of the couple wants to completely merge with the other member.
This situation is hazardous for two reasons: on the one hand, the member
is entirely dependent upon the other member, and on the other hand,
the member feels strangled because s/he never has alone time.
Freud:
Oedipus Complex
Oral Stage = child
is involved in satisfying his needs through his mouth
Anal Stage = from
1.5-3 the child is involved with excreting
Oedipus Stage =
3.5-6 the child is focused on his genitals ** the male child feels in competition
with his father for his mother ** eventually this stage ends when the
child realizes that he cannot compete with his father, and that if these
feelings are discovered, he will be punished ** he therefore identifies with his father
Latency Stage =
from 6-12 the child hides his impulses, and invests all his energy in
acquiring skills, his academics, etc.
At maturation, age
12, the child experiences puberty ** he has the impulse to reconnect to
his mother **
instead he finds a woman of his own
The antiquated love theory
was that Cupid shot a love arrow in the hearts of two people, and the
rest was history…
There are 3 components that
create a couple:
A great/nice sensory
stimulus
Mutual answering
of needs
Time **
the relationship is dependent upon development over time
12/27/08
It’s important to know why
man entered couplehood, in order to understand the problems that he
is now confronting. Oftentimes there is a gap between man’s expectations
of couplehood and his spouse to what reality itself is.
It’s not easy building togetherness.
The energy that the individual once used for him/herself alone now must
be invested in someone else, as well.
Imbalances are caused all the
time **
some are expected, such as having children, while others are unexpected,
such as illnesses
How do we adjust?
Acceptance. Learning of Roles.
Evaluating for the Future. (Ketah)
Spouses need to build togetherness,
while simultaneously maintaining their individuality.
Spouses need to find the time
to find the right dosages of things, in order to find an order of preferences.
Time:
Very important in
this adjustment process
Man needs to be
able to evaluate that which needs to be done now, and that which needs
to be done later
It’s very important to define
the boundaries and the quality of relationships with people – family
members, friends – in a renewed fashion.
Meaning, there are things that
were once good for the spouse, and with time have changed and are no
longer good or appropriate. In such a situation, the couple has to re-evaluate
their boundaries and what they need to do, etc.
Bergman:
Intimacy = The ability
to expose myself and my weaknesses to someone else, which simultaneously
feeling a sense of belonging (that someone cares about me, and accepts
me for who I am)
Intimacy can be
with a mother, a good friend, a spouse, etc.
Intimacy measures
a good relationship, according to Bergman.
In the first stage of building
a couple, the couple tries to find:
The balance between
weaknesses and strengths ** who dominates in what?
The balance between
force and voluntary ** what do I do because I am required
to do, and what do I do because I want to do it?
Defining the Jobs:
In the past the
roles of the husband and wife were a lot more defined. The man had a
much more instrumental role, as the lawmaker, the manager, etc., while
the wife took on more expressive roles, such as the emotional responsibilities.
Today the roles
are always changing, which can cause serious imbalances in the family
structure…
Three Categories of Roles:
Symmetrical = the
spouses do the same things
Positive: It is
efficient because if one spouse can’t do something or be somewhere,
the other one could fill in.
Negative: Fosters
tremendous criticism between the two.
Complementary =
each spouse has his/her specific roles, and it is forbidden to cross
those boundaries
Parallel = there
are roles that only the woman fills and roles that only the man fills,
but there are also roles that are interchangeable
Generally considered
the ideal model
“Gil HaMa’avar:” There
is a trend where the roles shift. The woman comes to a point that because
her life situation has changed (children have grown up, does not work
anymore, etc.) she wants to go out of the house, learn, do different
and new things, etc. The man, on the other hand, wants to finally rest,
after having worked so hard for the past 20/30 years, etc.
Other reasons people marry…
Miriam Dishon-Berkovitch:
What is the best foundation
for a couple to have?
Couples seek people
who have shared values, first and foremost, and only then do they seek
shared personal characteristics.
Why? Because our
values are part of our identity.
So a couple that
first established shared values and only then similar characteristics
has a stronger stand.
Scarf:
Oftentimes those
conflicting characteristics, which seem admirable before marriage, end
up being hated after marriage.
Problematic reasons to marry:
Running from the
home **
man doesn’t want to be told what to do, he doesn’t want to deal
with whatever hard situation is at home, etc.
Financial problems **
marry, in order to obtain a source of capital
Pregnancy **
there is no time to build a relationship because the spouses immediately
become parents ** this is not healthy
Following some sort
of destruction or devastation ** for example: a man loses his wife
and wants to find someone similar to her, or oppositely a man loses
his wife and cannot be with anyone similar to her
Pity **
for example: falling in love with a patient
1/5/09
When we are trying to characterize
a problem, one attempt is to first determine what the different roles
are within the couple and how they divvy up the jobs.
Virginia Satir:
Huministic approach
Love = a powerful
feeling that helps man fulfill his latent potential, develop his empathy
towards his partner, and to give without feeling that he is sacrificing
In a relationship
founded on love, man does not think about what he gets, rather how much
can he give to his spouse.
Only until very recently, Muslim
families would marry within the family. Now, that science has determined
the genetic dangers involved in marrying within the family, has this
practice decreased.
Myths about love:
Despite the cognitive approach,
many difficult situations emerge from faulty thoughts or expectations,
regarding relationships.
My spouse will change
for me after our marriage.
If my spouse loves
me, then he will do what I want.
If my spouse loves
me, then he can read my mind.
If my spouse does
not agree with me, then it’s a sign that he does not love me.
Couples solve all
their problems in bed.
If we love each
other, then we should enjoy everything together.
Partner Patterns:
Need to identify what kind
of couple the couple you are giving therapy to is, in order to then
understand and identify their problems.
Romantic partners
= someone who will be busy with them
Parental partners
= someone who will lead, make decisions, take care of you
Childish partner
= someone cute, who you can take care of
Friend partner =
someone who is not thinking about starting a family, someone who you
just want to give to, lean on, and have a good time with
Compatible partner
= someone who is compatible, who lives one life under one roof with
you
Monica Maigodrick:
Women, especially,
idealize marriage.
But, in reality,
marriage oftentimes stunts, in a specific way, the personal growth and
development of women.
If a woman only
wants to be a wife and mother, then there is no problem. If, however,
the woman has other goals, then marriage could set her back.
Men, on the other
hand, are not hasty to marry.
They do it, nonetheless,
because it gives them status, it establishes them, allows them to develop.
Although today women
can choose their spouse, marriage is not as strong an institution as
it used to be.
Why not? Well, once
upon a time, the different roles that the husband and wife played were
entirely defined and clear. For example, she would have to emphasize
his importance. Today those roles are much more interchangeable and
less defined.
Communication:
Olsen:
This is one of the
most important components for a successful relationship and family.
Communication is
the glue that connects people. It is also our tool as therapists. We,
as therapists, must know how to listen.
What is the difference
between listening and hearing?
Hearing = comprehending
sound with our ears
Listening = comprehending
with all our senses, using all our antennas ** ask yourself, what is this person
saying? What does he think of himself? What does he think of me? What
does he think of other people? What is he trying to accomplish? What
is bothering him? What has he come to me? Etc.
Communication =
the tool to discover and to be discovered
Non-Verbal Messages:
Body language
Coloring – blushing,
pallor
If you are tired,
energetic, sick, etc.
Dress **
how do I present myself? Who am I? What do I think?
Intonation = the tone and way
that things are said
We need to make sure that our
body language and our intonations are congruent.
To tune in = to really enter
the patient’s frame of reference
What is communication?
A process of receiving
and giving information ** the straight line model
A process that involves
feedback, as well ** the cyclical model
Solomon:
Virginia Satir:
Therapists need to convey messages crystal clear
Dans: Communication
should be spiral, with no end to it. The messages we communicate are
very much affected by the way and the timing we chose to convey the
message.
Meta-communication = the messages
that are conveyed beyond the concrete message itself
There needs to be “kesher
kaful” = ?
Satir:
A family needs an
open climate, with open communication
Moss:
A family climate
should emphasize acceptance, instead of criticism
Communication enables
a healthy family
Families also have myths. They
hold on to these myths because if the myth is dispelled or revealed,
the family will fall apart. We only dispel or reveal this myth if there
is a definite need to.
Satir:
Every family has different
patterns of communication, and each pattern has a different defense
mechanism:
Guilty pattern **
his defense mechanism = projects his problems on others
Rational pattern **
he uses his intellect, rather than getting in touch with his inner feelings
Bridging pattern **
afraid of conflict, and therefore ignores conflicts and problems
Blurring pattern **
he runs away from problems by pushing them out of sight and mind, using
denial and suppression
Balanced pattern **
someone who is balanced ** he figures out when to use more emotion
or more intellect or whatever is appropriate for the situation **
he evaluates the consequences ** he is aware of all this so it is not
really a defense mechanism
Barren:
Three patterns in communication:
The child **
the Id principle = self-centered, cannot wait, etc.
The parent **
authoritative, responsible
The boger **
thinks things through, struggling with all the options, very thought-through
Social workers are always switching
communication hats, but have to constantly be evaluating if their communication
is appropriate for the situation.
Alberto and Amonus:
Assertive communication:
Oftentimes it is
necessary for social workers to act assertively, doing and saying things
that they do not want to
Assertive communication
= and individual’s behavior that is very goal oriented, that stands
up for his rights without fear, and to expose his feelings honestly,
without hurting other people in the process
Assertive communication
includes are ability to say no to requests, to present ourselves, to
initiate, to guide and end conversations, to accept objections and criticism
without feeling threatened
Three conditions for a healthy
family:
A strong coalition
between the couple ** togetherness, intimacy and autonomy **
when the couple is strong, the family can develop
The division of
jobs between the sexes
A clear hierarchy
between the generations
Satir:
A parent has 3 roles:
1) Protector of the child’s
security
2) The leader and educator
3) The friend
Speigal:
Jobs are a chain
of actions that are supposed to achieve a certain goal. The jobs are
decided based on the culture, the community, and the person himself.
Tafkid mashlim =
for every job there has to be someone to help
3 kinds of jobs:
Shiyuchi = something
that someone is born with ** for example, the sex of a person
Haysagi = a person
uses their potential to accomplish it ** for example, achieving a degree
Miumatz = an adopted
job that was throw upon you by someone else and you have to do it
IP = identified
patient = destined for doom, sieer la’azazel ** child of an alcoholic who has to do
everything around the house
Bergman:
Parents need to
nurture the self-confidence and respect of their children
Teach their children
about privacy
Teach their children
to have open communication and that feelings are legitimate
There needs to be
unity between the parents and the messages that they are infusing in
their children
Parents need to
give their children independence and allow them to make mistakes
Parents must give
their children their basic rights to food, shelter, security, and love
A parental child
= a child who acts as the parent in the family
A messenger child
= a child who must fulfill the parents unfulfilled dreams
Speigal:
Roles and conflicts
are very interrelated ** oftentimes conflicts emerge from inappropriate
expectations of the roles
How do we confront conflicts?
One sided solution:
One person acts
to end the conflict
Coercion, seduction,
evaluation, camouflage the conflict, delay
Two sided solution
Humor, turning to
a third side, examining the conflict
Sometimes one of the sides
will try and form a coalition with the therapist. It is therefore integral
that therapists be wary of this and put all their efforts into remaining
neutral.